Can you tell a woman’s emotions by her wardrobe? Liz Jones tells you where Madonna is right now
Grrrr. Please…Liz Jones doesn’t have a CLUE!!!!! How can some of these recent outfits scream that Madonna has “low self esteem”?
As ideas go, it might not be up there with string theory – the one that suggests that space time has 11 dimensions – but, nonetheless, it does have huge importance.
It is my theory about the fact you can always pinpoint exactly how a woman is emotionally – precisely where her life choices have landed her – by her wardrobe.
And, judging by the pictures of Madonna’s recent outfits, I would surmise she is in a very dark place indeed.
There is nothing chic or elegant about Madonna’s latest outfits. At the launch of Gucci ‘s Tattoo Heart Collection using blades of grass to make a Robin Hood dress.
In the months surrounding the break-up of her marriage, she has veered wildly between dressing down – not caring one iota that she looks like someone who keeps all her possessions in a supermarket trolley – and dressing ludicrously ‘up’ in a succession of wildly inappropriate designer outfits.
There is nothing nonchalantly chic or stylish about what she wears any more. It is as though she no longer knows who she is.
In May, she was exposing her Ashtanga yoga-honed limbs in corsets, lace-up boots and fishnet tights or shuffling around in shapeless sportswear.
The prim, sheer Chanel dress with a bow is not suited to Madonna’s style whilst she dresses down exposing her Ashtanga yoga-honed limbs in corsets, lace-up boots and shapeless sportswear
As the months flew past, she donned ever larger shades and more elaborate baseball caps.
The lipstick has become redder and more severe; the hair bigger and more rigidly sprayed.
Last week, she left her New York apartment in red lacetrimmed bloomers, a hoodie, ski sunglasses and undone strappy sandals. She resembled someone who, rather than being flanked by bodyguards, should have been accompanied by a concerned social worker at each elbow.
You can clearly see from these schizophrenic sartorial choices that being a style icon is getting to be too much hard work.
Sometimes it’s all too tight, sometimes too high fashion (such as the green furry jerkin, fishnet tights and lime bondage platforms she donned earlier this month at a party held by Gucci at the Plaza in New York, an ensemble that merely made her resemble Robin Hood).
Madonna and Guy Ritchie before they split at the premiere of “I Am Because We Are”.The unflattering shapeless flapper dress by Karl Lagerfield was worn at the Cannes Film Festival
Her propensity for sportswear – of the worst possible kind, misshapen and in need of a good iron – is not a good look for a woman of 50.
I truly believe that, come their half a century landmark birthday, women should be given a Community Service ‘Get out of Jail’ card, meaning we no longer have to jog or go to the gym.
Look at any top athlete – Paula Radcliffe, say – and you can see the free radicals etched on their faces. Extreme exercise is ageing. Any exertion after 50 should be dignified, avoiding any strain in the face at all: walking is good, swimming excellent, extreme Ashtanga very bad indeed.
Ruby lips have become more severe on Madonna as the hair gets bigger
I think the reason Madonna still insists on wearing ridiculous Adidas sweatpants, even for the launch of her Hard Candy album in April this year, when she teamed them with lace-up boots and a black lace top, is that she is trying to cling on to her overaerobicised past, when really she should just say: ‘Blow it, I’m going to sit in an armchair and drink Harvey’s Bristol Cream.’
I would have admired Madonna a bit more if she had gone the Grace Kelly route and honed a pared down, elegant style of her own rather than donning every catwalk trend on offer just because she can, a predilection that is just as ageing as over-exercising.
Take, for example, the prim, sheer Chanel dress with a bow at the neck she recently sported – Madonna is most definitely not a ‘bow’ sort of woman. Why didn’t she choose something from the elegant Prada collection?
Who knows what was the final nail in the coffin of her marriage, but I imagine Guy Ritchie would just stare, open-mouthed, at her crazy outfits every time they left the house.
There is nothing that knocks your confidence more than a divorce. Madonna might have new boyfriends, but that only proves she is suffering from low self-esteem.
While it would probably be more PC to say that women over 50 can wear and do whatever they like, I disagree. There must be some advantages to being this old, and they are these: you don’t have to spread your legs on an album or magazine cover any more.
I wonder if Madonna looks back at her far more chubby body in those black cut-off tights, ra-ra skirts, the rags and lace in her hair and the crucifixes dangling gaudily around her neck and wonders at her lack of taste, her cheapness and her naivety. I hope not.
Now, as her marriage has fallen apart, so has her confidence about what looks good. I never want Madonna to look as boring as Madame Sarkozy, but I do want her to come to her senses.
I think the reason I am disappointed in Madonna’s break-up wardrobe choices is that I wanted her to show all of us building new lives in our 50s that you don’t have to look young or ridiculous, but neither do you have to look matronly.
Instead, you can look comfortable in your own skin.
Posted on December 1, 2008, in Madonna and tagged Can you tell a woman's emotions by her wardrobe? Liz Jo. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.